Monday, July 1, 2013

LiFe gEtS BETTER!!!!

Oh God, how one's life continues and changes and what I have learned in the last year amazes me.  I am not angry at my SOON to be gay-ex husband.  It will be 2 years in September since I found out and 1 yr, in October since he's moved out.  I am not angry at him anymore.  I have forgiven him.  I have decided to be thankful for everything I was able to learn from being with him.  He taught me a lot, he pushed me to get an education, even though I may not use it, I will always have it to fall back on thanks to him.  I am glad to see him happy and doing what he loves to do, with the people he connects with the most.  He is a good father, and cares about me and the children.

I feel lucky

The first man I contacted on Zoosk, the attraction I felt towards him online.  CRAZY, should be on catfish!!!!  After months of communications we went on our first date, while I am still living with my gay husband and we are still sleeping in the same bed.  Jerry takes me shopping and tells me not to order the most expensive item on the menu, so I ordered the market price item, because, how am I to know the cost it's hidden.  Needless to say I wasn't ready for my first date, I wasn't ready to admit my marriage was over, it wasn't rEAl yet.  I had fun with Levi, he asked me out again and after struggling to find a way out, I said yes and he took me to my first concert in 16 years, two weeks later.  Levi and I have had our ups and downs but committed to a relationship in April of 2012.  He moved in unofficially with me October 2012 and we have been together ever since.  I love him.

He treats me the way a MAN should treat his princess....  I have been in a committed relationship with him for a year and in that year I have only opened my car door twice for myself and that's because he was loading groceries in the car or something along those lines.  He values my opinion and treats me with up-most respect.  My kids LoVe him.  They respect him, they like him and would love to see us move forward in our relationship and their opinion is the most important to me.

Because of Levi I know now, what it feels like to be in love, to be treated like a princess, a lady, a woman,  I know what it feels like to be taken care of, to be worried about to have someone get you, really understand you.  Levi, knows when I am upset and he has a great way of turning my frown upside down, he cracks me up even when my moods aren't the greatest.  He appreciates the little I do for him, making lunch, breakfast ect, (I have been a lazy woman in the fact I have not woke up early to make him breakfast in bed which I know he would LOVE!!!)Getting up two hours early to make him breakfast before he leaves for work is a very easy thing to do, and the rewards that come from doing something so small would be worth doing it everyday.  He appreciates that woman quality.  I wouldn't do it for the reward of it though.  I want to do it, because at night when I cuddle with him on the couch, he rubs my back, not because I asked, but because..........  I don't know but I do know that I love that he does that so much I want to make him happy by making breakfast.

My opinion of relationships is very similar to that of Doctor Laura.  A woman should please her man and in return she gets the protection of a man.  Men and women think differently.  Men are most happy with women when the give them sex, feed them and treat them as men, (no nagging).  Women are most happy when they have a man who treat them nicely, shows appreciation through words or touch, and provides for them.  I believe women are caretakers of their man.  Listen to Doctor Laura.

Anyways, I would have never experienced the love I feel from and for Levi had Jerry not came out.  I feel appreciated as a woman, I have round butt I have never weighed so much or worked out so little in my life and felt so confident about my body until now.  Yes, I am not saying not workout, it's healthy keeps you young, but keep those CHOCOLATE BARS coming!!!

All I need to do is have Jerry look over, change or accept the divorce papers and then file them, and in 90 days I will be officially divorced.  The end of July I go on my first vacation with Levi and his family for a week.  We have been going to his family's house every month since September for Sunday dinner, but I am still nervous about the week.  I hope they like me, never thought I would do this again.

It gEtS BETTER!!!!