Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Everything is the same here. Jerry did move out and it’s been a month with a few arguments. I feel like I am in the nesting stage of pregnancy without the child though. I don’t feel organized, clean or complete. My life seems in disarray at the moment. I haven’t quite figured out a schedule or a routine that I follow yet, I am working on this!
Levi and I have changed the house, I love it and for once I feel as if it is truly a home I would want to be in. We moved the family room from down in the basement to the formal living room upstairs. It is now a family room where the kids, Levi and I enjoy spending time together watching shows like Face Off, Survivor, even football. Although Levi doesn't watch as much football as I thought he would, maybe eventually when he is more comfortable with me. We turned the basement into a game room for the kids and us. It is equipped with an air hockey table, Foosball table, basketball hoop, karaoke machine, then we have an art room with a projector, eventually a wall painted with chalk paint, and the next room is the toy room full of legos, dolls ect. I bought Riley a new bunk bed and room décor for the beginning teen age years as well as a place for Levi’s daughter to feel included and comfortable. It is now their room.
I am completely in love with Levi and when I am with him I feel like he told me in a letter once, that I am floating on forever. I appreciate him and all he is. I couldn't imagine being any happier than I am now with him. Happy. What a funny term.
Happily married. Are you really happily married? I wasn't. I pretended to be, pretended to have a better marriage even when I was told he was gay, I was so upset. Why? There are so many things that come to building a marriage and a family, money, work, debt, homes, cars ect. I was losing it all, losing the only person I really talked to. Was I happy though? Knowing now how happy I am when I am with Levi, I wasn't happy I was slowly suffocating.
God it is so nice to be with someone that I can laugh with every day. Someone who can turn my frown into a smile or an awful day into the best. We don’t fight and if we do at least it’s not every day, once a week or even once a month. I am forty pound heavier the heaviest I have ever been and my man still finds me sexy. I love him so much, and however this ends up I still feel that there is no other ride that I would rather be on, than the one I am on with him.
Posted by Michelle at 8:01 PM