Grief and Loss is a very real emototion in both death and divorce. This is about my journey of struggle through grief and loss and learning to move forward. There is life after death and it has been promised to be better. There is life after divorce and most will say it is better.
No one can tell you what sexy is because sexy is based
solely on perception and everyone’s perception on sexy is different. All I know is that I don’t feel sexy. Do you?
There is one thing that keeps me from feeling sexy and that
is my back which contains small amounts of acne and the very few dimples I have
on my upper thigh and buttocks. If I don’t
perceive that as being sexy why would anyone else look at me and find me sexy?
The girl on the left I find super sexy? Does anyone else though? Is it just my perception or is she sexy and everyone knows it.
Take for instance take the show Vampire Diaries.
The man on the right I do not find sexy. he is a good looking man but for me he is not sexy. The man on the left however I find very sexy. Dark hair, light eyes. The character he plays in the tv show helps portray the sexiness I find within him. Dark, mysterious, powerful essentially a bad boy with a kind heart.
How different are our views when it comes to sexy because I know more women who would prefer the man on the right. The woman in the middle well, she is pretty but definitely not what I would determine as sexy.
So in the next picture there is a girl the right side is clear of any acne and the left side has a few acne marks. To me it is obvious which one is sexy. Clear skin is always sexier then skin with acne. I would hope that everyone would agree with me on this. So the question remains how can someone find someone who has acne sexy if we would all vote for the lady with clear skin? Is sexy just simply a physical component or does sexy also involve our personalities and do the physical components that make us not sexy get overlooked because of our personalities?
I think our personalities have to be the key factor in determining our sexiness! Does love really make us blind to flaws? Do you see the flaws in your partner? Is it a bothersome part in finding them sexy? Do you simply overlook the flaws? Why is that we all have insecurities and flaws and yet people still find us attractive and sometimes yes even sexy? Is it all lies to coat our sensitive ego?
So I am dating this really great guy, yes the same guy, the
first guy I started e-mailing through a dating site when I found out the
news. Anyways, things are going well. I am constantly learning from him. Some of the things I learn is just simply for
good conversation, some, most I can apply to my life though to become a better
person. He is wonderful with my children
and seeing him with them makes me realize how important they are. Watching him, reminds me that I need to take
time out and not worry so much about a clean house, or all the others things I need
to get done because the most important thing I should be doing is spending
quality play time with my children.
Every day, he teaches me how to be a better parent and I am so
appreciative and thankful to him for that.
I have also learned through him, that what I thought I
wanted in the next man I married if I married at all isn’t at all what I want
or need. I thought I wanted and needed
flowers, and cards and romance so that I would feel and know I was appreciated
and loved. It’s in my blog somewhere, about
not settling for less. Well, the truth
is all that stuff isn’t really important.
Not that I wouldn’t like it or want it, the gesture and the thought put
into still shows what everyone desires to be appreciated and thought of, but it
is just not an important aspect in a relationship.
I am not sure yet if he is the romantic type to do those
things yet or not. He did send me a card
though, which was very thoughtful. The
truth is, I would much rather be appreciated and admired on a daily basis
through words and looks then to be admired every once in a while through
I am so glad I am here in this spot. I really like him, more than I should for the
timing. Okay, let’s be truthful I’ve
already thrown out the L-bomb, which I totally meant, even though it was on
accident the first time. I’ve only said
that word to one other person and that was Jerry. I take it very seriously and I know all about
the rules. I have double whammy against
at this point. First, is hasn’t even
been six months yet since we have seriously dated and second I’m not quite
technically divorced yet, I am working on that though.
He didn’t say it back, which doesn’t surprise me. We have had conversations about it and how
wrong it is to say too soon. Well, at one
point in time I agreed. In fact I
laughed and joked about people saying that too soon, like how could you
possibly know. Well, I don’t know maybe
it’s the chemicals in my brain over reacting, maybe it’s just getting out of a
not so great relationship, but at the same time aren't people smart enough just
to know that. Regardless if my timings
off, regardless is he stays with me or leaves me, I feel that way. I felt that way for a while, so much so
sometimes that it reminds of bubble that keeps getting fuller with that
emotion, and I feel as though I’m going to burst if I keep in. I don’t say it often but I sometimes just
want to shout it, I love you!
I guess if I had to answer why I feel that way I would say
it’s because even if this doesn’t work out, which again going with statistics
is highly unlikely, I want the very best for him. I feel that way because I have never felt
like being so open with someone and sharing so much of me, the good and the bad,
I have never felt so comfortable around anyone, and I have never felt so,
unexplainably attracted to someone. I want
to add happiness to his life, and do things for him. He does a lot for himself and sometimes it is
really hard, because I feel so guilty.
It could be as simply as him getting his own water, but I just want to
do it for him and when I don’t I feel like I am not treating him the way he
should be treated. I know, I know, I know!!! I don’t need a comment on this one.
Sometimes, I feel as though I am letting myself get too deep
with him. I feel as though at times I
walking a dangerous line with my emotions, sometimes I feel like I am close to
drowning. How is possible to like
someone so much, when I hardly know them.
I guess when it comes down to it, it is a choice. I am choosing to cross the line, and get
involved with my emotions, in the end if my heart gets broken, it was worth
every second I got to spend with him, because every second I spend with him
right now I feel happy, and grateful, and I feel good about myself, and through him I becoming a better person, so I
ask myself how is any of that a negative?
Anyways, that is how I am doing. My kids are great as well, and they really
like him. I do have to remind them
though that relationships between adults can end at any time for any
reason. I am okay with my heart getting broken;
I am not okay for kids to be affected if something goes wrong. God, I worry about this my kids are my