The love I have for Jerry is “Unrequited love”. Unrequited Love is love that is given to another deeply even though that love given is not being reciprocated. The person is usually aware that the love is not being reciprocated but still gives the love in hopes that one day it will be. The person wants, desires, and prays that eventually the love they feel will be reciprocated. According to Wikipedia, “ Nietzsche, considered that "indispensable...to the lover is his unrequited love, which he would at no price relinquish for a state of indifference.”.
On that note I watched a couple of movies this weekend. Yes, Brokeback Mountain and Latter Days. Both were good and helped me understand my feeling in the situation, I find myself. I know that Jerry and I will be friends. I know that my heart hurts because the one thing that I desired most from Jerry, is the one thing he is unable to give not because of his mother’s death but because he is gay. The love that you find in these two movies is what I think Jerry is looking for. I will never be able to give him that, as much as I want to. I will never be able to fill that place in his heart. As he will always be unable to fill that place in my heart. It hurts to see the bond that these men had for one another, to see how I will never fit in to this. I will always just be the “good friend”………….
happiness, too. Having your companion to rely on makes your everyday survival on this barren place a little bit more bearable, even enjoyable.
So life goes on like that for a while. You and your helpmate are lovers, friends, companions -- happy together.
Then one day, out gathering food and firewood, you climb a hill and discover in the valley below... MEN. Strong, lean, muscular, tanned men. Men of every shape and size. Men with hair and men without. Clean men and sweaty men. Laughing men and stern men. You peer over the hill in amazement. MEN! You feel a churning in your loins you haven't felt in a very long time. You do nothing but watch. Gasp at your good fortune. But then, out of nowhere the image of your helpmate's face comes into your mind, and you are filled with guilt.
Back at the camp, you know your helpmate is preparing the evening meal, repairing the hut's roof, doing all the things a good helpmate should do. You remind yourself you've done nothing wrong, yet can't help feeling the slightest bit of remorse. All the justifications in the world can't seem to assuage your guilt. Still, that doesn't stop you from venturing over to the men's camp, more and more often.
One day, spying on the men, one of them approaches you. Seems he has noticed you for a while, without your being aware of it. That close to a man awakens something in you you've forgotten you were capable of feeling. The musky scent, the rippling muscles, the man-hair in all the right places. The yearning is not like you feel with HER. It is different. Primal. Natural. Unforced.
It feels so right ... and yet... your helpmate.
Hope this helps……………